34 Things I've Learned in 34 Years

it's my birthday and we are reflecting hardcore, baby!

Today is my birthday, and I always get super reflective on my birthday. Every year since I started blogging (when I was 21… you do the math! You guys have been a part of my life for so long now, it’s epically cool and special) I’ve written a list on what I’ve learned that year with all of my biggest takeaways. This year it’s more of a *34 hard truths* list than anything else, because I feel as if this year solidified me into the person I have always been meant to be. That is a VERY good feeling.

Also, each year the list seems to be getting more personal and existential, and less about all of the superficial *stuff* that probably seemed way cooler when I was in my early 20’s. I find that the older I get, the things that are cool to me are truly very simple. Family, friends, health, boundaries, joy, abundance, healing. The simplicities in life are everything to me.

I am very grateful to be embarking on another trip around the sun. In June, when I was at my lowest and truly felt like I was going to die from pregnancy complications, I did not know if I would even get through it. i.e. I actually thought I was going to die… like every single day for 40 days straight. It’s wild how things can change (for the better) so quickly, and I am grateful beyond words. It will never be lost on me than I can move/breathe/walk/be alive again, and I do my best every day to remember that that is ALL that matters. The rest is just an added bonus.

If you are here reading, thank you so much. The best gift you could ever give me is to read my writing, and to subscribe to this Substack. It is not just my favorite place on the internet, but my favorite thing in the actual world to do. I have so many great plans for us ahead in this little space, and it is a JOY to have you reading along.

Please do introduce yourself below once you finish this list!! LOVE YOU ALL. PS, had to add a few bonuses to the list, otherwise who would I be?!?!

🌟 34 Truths That Will Drastically Change & Improve Your Life: 🌟

1. Romanticize the tiniest things about your life and everything will change. I mean everything, from waking up in the morning to going to the DMV to doing the most mundane tasks in your business that you usually can’t stand. When you can have fun doing even the ‘least fun’ things, you know you are getting somewhere. The same can be said for the opposite—if you are in a gorgeous place with people you love and you still can’t seem to relax or enjoy, there is something wrong with that picture. It’s never too late to reevaluate and start romanticizing!

2. One person gets to have the power to change your life, and that's you. That’s right, you can probably finally stop consulting every single person close to you about what you should do and when and how, and just do what you feel is the right thing to do. If you want to get stronger or become a NYT bestseller or run a marathon or start waking up earlier or fall in love with yourself… no one is going to do that for you. Take little, but tangible and attainable, steps every day to be the person you know you came here to be.

3. Exercise is for mental wellbeing over physical aesthetic—do it daily and your life will change. Also, find the types of exercise that you genuinely love. Just because your super-fit neighbor does Pilates doesn’t mean that you have to do Pilates. I happen to love hot yoga above all else, I could do it all day every day if I had the time. Find what you love and do it. Yes for your health and your body, but even more-so for your mind.

4. Don’t let your ego outweigh your desire to learn and find new ways to improve yourself. Try new things! Commit to learning something brand new, even if it sounds wacky! This year ahead my goal is to take tennis lessons. The last time I played legit tennis I was in high school. I also want to re-learn Spanish, as I used to be just about fluent and have completely lost it in adulthood (I can still understand everything but speaking it well is a whole other beast). Learn new things, it keeps you young and is such a valuable use of your time.

5. Friendships are wildly important, always make time for them. Don’t fall prey to the idea that work is more important than people. If you cancel too many times, you’re just going to be seen as a flake. I mean yes sometimes cancelling or rescheduling is a must, and your people will always get it, but don’t be that person who ALWAYS cancels. You know the ones. Prioritize your people, and they will prioritize you back.

6. If you are living for the weekends and don’t enjoy your weekdays, there is actually something wrong with that picture (despite what society may tell you). My goal is to wake up every single day and love the day that lies ahead of me. Sometimes Saturdays are more cozy and exciting than a super-busy Tuesday for example, but turn your life into the kind of life where every day is fun, special, and enjoyable—even if that means finding pockets of your day that are just for the things you love to do.

7. SSRI's just might change your life, don't hold so rigidly to the belief that everything has to be 100% holistic all of the time. Especially (and really only if) you suffer from anxiety, depression, OCD, or something else that plagues you. I didn’t even realize anxiety was nearly killing me until I got on an SSRI. Life is so much better for me now. I actually think it saved my life. Modern medicine is such a gift when needed (but yes I am still a holistic girly through and through for 99% of things).

8. If everyone in the world says you have to do something and you still don't want to do it, listen to your own intuition. It will never guide you astray. & NOT doing ‘that thing’ just might become your superpower. I am so proud of myself for holding out when the entire world put pressure on us to do you know what… and I attribute that to knowing myself deeply, having a strong backbone, and thinking for myself rather than following the crowd. I want this for everyone and truly believe it’s a top life hack.

9. Kindness > niceness any day. Niceness can be fake & lead to people pleasing. Lead with a KIND heart and pure intentions always. This past year has been my year of ‘breaking up with being overly nice.’ Which isn’t saying much because I feel like I am still too nice. But for the year ahead, my goal is to lead from my pure heart but still be a fierce mama bear when needed. A balance I am always learning and striving for.

10. The creativity that lives inside of your bones wants to bubble over and come to life, so LET IT. Without it, you will be sad and always feel like something is missing. For me, this enters Substack. Writing is my literal lifeblood. I feel as if we all have our own creative outlets that are screeeeaming and begging for us to dive back into them. This year I also want to start painting and drawing more. I want my kids to know that we are creative beings first and foremost. (When I did plant medicine, I turned into a damn music note! If that doesn’t tell you that us homo-sapiens are pure creative source energy made into human consciousness. I don’t know what does.)

11. You are meant to change and grow, and to never stay stagnant. Accept the changes. lean into what that new life looks like rather than scraping to get the old life back. I used to think that change was awful and would cling to my ‘old life’ for dear god. Now I am learning to flow with life, and doing that dance has also helped me find a way to deeply surrender. Surrendering is how we work with the *energy* of life, and we will get more into energy in a moment.

12. If someone doesn't want to be in your life anymore, let them leave. Don't chase them. Aligned relationships are where it's at. In fact, the more you chase the more you will repel the people who are MEANT to be in your life because you are not creating space for them. Create that space, and you will become entirely magnetic for the right people.

13. If you can't spend a full day alone in your own company, it's time to reevaluate. Hone that relationship with yourself relentlessly if it is the last thing you do. The more you get to know yourself, the more you can pursue the things you actually enjoy and let go of the rest of the shit that doesn’t matter, and from there—the better your life will become.

14. SOLO TRIPS ARE GOOD FOR THE SOUL. especially tropical ones. Especially with plant medicine. *immediately books solo trip to Costa Rica*

15. If you think about doing something every day and you haven't gone after it, ask yourself what's holding you back. It IS time to take the leap. This last year I wrote a whole book, a book that has been living inside of me for eons. DO THE THING, your soul will thank you!

16. Done is better than perfect. Don't let perfectionism stop you from doing what you want to do. How many projects have you left half-finished over the years? Yeah, me too. Take it to the 100% baby, your spirit is begging for it. And so is the world!

17. Even if you want to be a hoarder (lol), minimalism will help your MIND think better & stay clearer and thats the greatest gift. This is my own personal reminder to clean out absolutely everything before the end of the year. I want the cleanest slate and the cleanest space. Because I am ready for that clean mind.

18. Become someone who keeps promises to yourself. If you do nothing else on this list and only that, your life will change drastically. This has become my favorite thing about myself now.

Now let’s get into some of my absolute faves… we are going to take it even deeper for the second half of the list! We are spitting the hard truths today. #20 changed my life, #24 is my current go-to, #30 gives me a LOT to ponder, and 31-34 are just must knows that I feel like everyone needs to implement in order to thrive. (And of course there are two bonuses, because who would I be if I actually stuck to the number at hand?!)