35 things i've learned in 35 years 🎂

it's my birthday, and this reflector is gonna REFLECT 🪞

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thank you for being here. this community has my whole heart & soul.

you guys know every time i have a birthday, i reflect big time. i actually reflect every day of the year, so of course a birthday is the most monumental day for reflections, gratitude, looking back on how far i’ve come, how much life has shifted in the last many years, & of course—an infinite well of deep thoughts. 😅

tomorrow, 10/11, is my real bday! but i love to get ahead and share these reflections heading into tomorrow, so the fresh wave of energy heading into this year ahead sets the tone for the weekend and for a day offline & off the grid with my family.

^ i do it all for her, inner child jordan. even seeing her little face & soul makes me cry!

the BEST thing about this birthday, is that i have not felt this healthy in eons, ages, lifetimes. maybe since i was 10 years old??! no really, i remember feeling like shit on a health scale starting as a young teen, so there’s no way i’ve felt this good, healthy, vibrant or alive since i was a literal kid. i wrote here about the many reasons i feel so dang good lately.

the SECOND BEST thing about this birthday is, quite literally, SUBSTACK. i wrote here about how much substack has not just changed my life this year, but has actually given me my life (my joy and my happiness included) back, and i am eternally grateful to each and every one of you that has contributed to that feeling of support.

diving into writing long form on the internet like this (and actually having people who care on the other end) has tapped me back into my inner child. and i believe that’s what all of us need to do, to get back to our truest, deepest form of happiness.

^ me on my walk today, coffee in hand (see #30, haha) dreaming up this list while i moved!!

✨ now, let’s get into the list!!! ✨

p.s. don’t read this list as a self-indulgent “oh wow she’s thinking about herself so much here & patting herself on the own back for her accomplishments,” LOL.

instead please read it as more of a “what she’s learned along the way and how this can help me. how i can translate these lessons into my own life?!!”

light worker fam gotta stick together. <3

35 things i’ve learned in 35 years:

1. the whole entire point, no like literally the whole entire point of life, is to return to the inner child within. it might sound annoying, cliche, or overdone, but hear me out… think about what you were into, what you were obsessed with, what you could busy yourself with for hours on end when you were 8 years old. do you still do any of that in some way, shape, or form? for me it was writing, scrapbooking, art, taking photos, talking to people, or living in the imaginary world of my head. if you really think about it… blogging and podcasting was destined to be my future career all along. but JUST NOW, just this year, i’ve finally gotten back into the whole writing long form thing again (thanks to my book & thanks to substack) and i feel like i’m literally getting my life and joy back because of it. honor your inner child!!! don’t let it be a cliche!!! live your life with this notion at the forefront, and watch your manifestations flourish.

2. you are so in control of your own life and your own destiny, it’s not even funny. k here’s the thing, and you guys are going to learn about my hot takes on this in my book next year big time. there’s a frequency of healing, abundance, and manifestation and when we tap into it… we ascend into our wildest dreams at warp speed. think of this like ‘the secret’ (the book & movie) on steroids. something, no, EVERYTHING, changes when you believe in the power of your own heart, mind, soul, and spirit. it’s the mind-body connection. it’s real. as my idol Louise Hay says, “every day, in every way, i’m getting better and better.” your thoughts DO create your reality. don’t have messy thoughts (or do, because you’re human and that’s normal, but learn how to move past them). if you believe you can have what you desire, you will & you shall. ✨

3. following the crowd is so, so, SO boring. no really—hear me out. in my younger years i spent so much of my time wanting to fit in. and on the outside maybe i did fit in for a while (sorority life, lots of friends, knew how to act like i was ‘chill’ and appear like i had it all together) but that came at a huge cost. i was abandoning my soul in so many ways. i didn’t come here to be normal… & i don’t think any of us did. when i commit to being my true self, i am sooooo out there and nothing like the crowd or the status quo. i am obsessive and deep, introverted AND super social, so creatively obsessed that if i don’t channel it all through me i will break (into full panic attacks, etc), i go through seasons of epic creation and seasons of extreme rest, and i couldn’t hold a normal 9-5 job (or even a normal mom/work schedule) if my literal life depended on it. leaning into who i am, in all of the idiosyncrasies and beyond, has been legit everything. & i believe this is true for all of us.

4. i’m not ever gonna be the ‘chill, cool girl’ and that’s actually my magic. i’m intense & deep, introspective and an over-thinker, deeply tuned in & into weird shit lol, and that’s been the biggest contribution to most of my successes. and, because you’re reading this, the same is very much true for you. whoever you view as the “COOL,” everyone loves them kind girl is amazing and we love that for her, but she has her own insecurities and struggles just like me and you. the grass is not always greener, and we were given our path & our personality for a reason. embrace who YOU are and the rest will flow with ease.

5. instead of ruminating on why people do shitty things, abide by the quote: “if you can’t understand how someone could do that to you [or to others], consider yourself lucky that you don’t comprehend that type of behavior.” oooof, this one hits. as someone deeply sensitive who used to get easily hurt, i find myself often wondering why people act a certain way, why they stop showing up (or never show up), why they ice themselves off with no explanation, why they talk shit for no reason, etc. etc. i saw this quote on tiktok of all places, and it soothed my soul. i am so grateful to be the kind of person who does not get why people are so cruel sometimes, and i will be teaching the same sentiment to my kids. <3

6. on that note, as jonathan says to me all the time, “be a gentleman because you are, not because they are.” or to swap out the gentleman term, be a KIND HUMAN because you are, not because they are. i try to always be the bigger person, after a falling out especially. not because the other person always deserves it, but because it helps me sleep better at night. because sometimes old souls are the ones to pick up the pieces and energetically make things right, even if nothing is said aloud. because sometimes life isn’t fair and we’re not going to get what we want from other people, and that’s okay. we can always keep our side of the street clean and our hearts pure, and that’s what matters most at the end of the day.

7. as a mom, it’s so important to find purpose and meaning outside of motherhood alone—it’s healthier for you, your kids, and the family unit this way (just my opinion, of course). look, my kids are my world. i’d be lying if i didn’t say that sometimes i dream of moving to a farm in the middle of nowhere and homeschooling them and going off the grid and just being the perfect ‘ballerina farm’ version of myself for them. but the truth is… when i’m with my kids 24/7 and abandoning my work/creativity/social life/etc because of it, my presence starts to suffer. i am not as fun, not as patient, not as in the moment with them. i love showing my kids that i am pursuing my dreams and reminding them every day that it’s possible for them to do the same. i will say, some moms find full purpose IN motherhood and that can be healthy too, we’re all different but this is what works for me.

8. your art is your alchemy. whether it’s writing, creating, dancing, pottery, being in nature, hot yoga, painting, mothering, diving into your craft and not emerging from your cave until it’s done (my fave), etc.— creativity transmutes pain into beauty. every time you create, you rewrite your own story. if you cut off that method of creation, the stuck energy has nowhere to go. it recirculates and makes you sick. let energy move through you; art is one of the most amazing ways to do it. (even if no one sees it! it can be just for you!)

9. being too dogmatic or rigid, about anything, is the absence of flexibility a.k.a the absence of being able to truly grow. introducing certain things into my life over the last few years that aren’t 100% holistic or natural or whatever you want to call it from my crunchy, alternative health loving self—has been LIFE changing. a few of those things are… SSRI’s (prozac saved my life in the midst of the worst panic disorder & severe OCD), peptides, ADHD meds when needed, nicotine when needed, methylene blue, brief steroids for my kids eczema when it got so bad we couldn’t see their normal skin anymore, etc. and i am sure i will do other things that didn’t once fit my dogmatic list, and i am already proud of my future self for that. do you, never compare yourself, and when life humbles you—listen.

10. you can make new friends at any stage of life. in fact, sometimes the friends you make in your mid 30s and beyond will be the most aligned friendships you could ever imagine! you guys know i am a big childhood friend person. i have a lot of them and i love them dearly. many of us have grown together, some have grown apart, and some have drifted off into totally other ecosystems if you know what i mean. before i moved to this new town, i never would have imagined i would make friends in my mid 30s, like GOOD friends who i talk to daily and have so much in common with and feel so close to—but i have. and it has something to do with knowing who i am now, feeling so aligned, meeting people where they are, and being in such similar seasons of life as the people i currently gravitate toward. you’re never too old to stop making friends, and if you feel lonely, it’s never too late. put yourself out there (or even put the intention out there) and the universe will provide.

11. your entire life mirrors your nervous system. your outer world is always a reflection of your inner world. when you’re regulated, life flows. when you’re chaotic, it mirrors that black. when you worry too much, life gives you more things to worry about. when you trust it’s all going to work out, life makes sure everything works out. work on getting your nervous system into check, and the rest will fall right into place.

12. phone boundaries are not just a trendy buzzword, it’s something to really put into place before technology takes over your life and the creative well of your inner world. i’ve spent years addicted to social media, email, work stuff, an entire world ON MY PHONE instead of being fully present with the life i have right in front of me. the internet has given me so much, and i recognize i am more enmeshed online than most and forever will be, but that makes my phone / tech boundaries all the more important. i ordered a “brick” for my iPhone, something that will literally lock me out of certain apps at night and on the weekends, and i am going to implement it starting this weekend. when i stay off of social for longer periods of time, my thoughts flow to me with more ease, i am happier because i am comparing myself less, and my creativity stays in tact. this one isn’t fancy or fun, but it’s important & i feel there will literally be REHAB for tech addiction one day not far in the future… so let’s not let it get to that point.

13. people who default to ‘therapy speak’ rather than wanting to have real conversations and move through hard things, are not the ones for me. therapy is amazing, but our society has been over-therapized. everything is a ‘micro trauma’ now or a reason to place a boundary, or even worse—a catalyst for ghosting someone you once loved. i was ghosted by a friend of 8 years after a minor argument… SO MINOR… and i can’t wait to tell you guys the whole story one day. and although it was one of the most painful things i could ever have gone through at the time, it became the medicine i needed. it helped me grow. and it helped show me that people who are willing to have hard conversations are my kind of people. and that the over-therapized hyper-spiritual community is total narcissistic vibes and that’s what i never want to be!

14. i thrive off of being a safe space for the people i love, and that is one of my favorite things about myself. i’m always gonna be the girl you can call in the middle of the night or at noon on a monday to cry your heart out. i will be here to listen and beyond that, i love listening. i really feel that our culture as a whole has lot the art of true connection and being there for one another. everyone is protecting their peace a little too close to the sun, if you know what i mean. and while boundaries are important, my real inner circle could basically do nothing that a would be ‘too much’ for me. i love too much. bring it on. <3 i say this because in the era of “PROTECT YOUR PEACEEEE!!!” we’ve really lost this and it sucks.

15. expansion feels like heartbreak before it feels like peace. growth requires dying to the familiar. it can feel like loss before it feels like liberation. it can feel lonely before the circle appears. it can feel like being lost before becoming found. trust the process, don’t give up, it means good things are coming. know that everything is happening for a reason, always.

16. the universe will protect you in the form of rejection a thousand times and then some, and it is always, always, always for your ultimate protection. divine timing is real, and if something you deeply desire isn’t yours yet, it doesn’t mean it never will be. it means that your container isn’t ready to hold it. when it comes, it WILL be the perfect time. and you’ll see clearly why it didn’t happen any sooner!

17. this body—this life—is temporary. your soul is not. the aches, the pains, the illness, the weight, whatever it is you struggle with, not only can you heal it but you will one day transcend it. these human bodies are meant to be a lesson. it’s the soul level stuff that really matters. make sure your karmic ties are all tied up and played out while you’re here in this life… otherwise you’ll come back and experience similar struggles in the next life. many of us learn lessons *through* our bodies, so be vigilant about listening when your body is acting as your messenger.

18. your work will evolve when you do. OMG, this one is huge. what once felt aligned may one day feel too small—that’s not failure, it’s expansion. i’ve been through this a lot with my career, which is why my brand now looks *entirely* different from what it looked like and who i was even just a few years ago. let your career be a living mirror of your consciousness. pivot. reinvent. begin again. BELIEVE in yourself. beeeee delusional!! you must be!! that’s what makes your body of work a masterpiece.

19. a healthy amount of delulu will change your entire life. people love to mock delusion or when they think someone is being cringe, but honestly? they’re jealous lol. every big thing i’ve ever created started with a little bit of delusional energy. we have to be just unrealistic enough to ignore the limitations the world tries to hand us. the dream house, the soulmate, the career, the healed body, they all start as a wild idea you dare to take seriously. call it delulu, call it quantum leaping, call it manifestation… whatever it is, it works.

20. health is freedom. without our health, we truly have nothing. with our health, we have everything. when you DO have your health, do your best not to take it for granted. life inside of the four walls of a hospital or doctor’s office just doesn’t hit the same. the version of me who was sick for years would give anything to feel the way i do now, so i don’t take a single day of vitality for granted. the discipline it takes to get there!?!? all of it is worth it. and who cares what other people think, from the outside looking in. health is the ultimate wealth.

21. being multi-passionate is not a flaw. learning to see it as a gift will shift everything!!! and on this note, learn your human design!! some of us are meant to be interested in a mill different things. i used to think my scattered interests and inability to finish certain projects meant i had issues (#ADHDlife, lol) and now i realize it’s the exact opposite. i was never meant to do just one thing. podcasting, writing, channeling, motherhood, biohacking, peptides, fiction, self-help, on and on, they all feed each other. your curiosity is your purpose. let it be messy, let it be big, let it be you.

22. we live in an era where we can do anything, the only thing standing in our way is believing in ourselves. seriously, think about it: we have the internet, AI, endless social platforms, books on everything under the sun, spiritual and energetic tools, access to everything and all knowledge and info. it’s not a lack of opportunity holding you back; it’s self-doubt. once you decide you’re worthy of your wildest vision, life starts rearranging itself to meet you there. delusional confidence is the new realism.

23. marriage is the ultimate mirror and gift in this life—if you can work through the challenges with the soulmate you’ve been blessed with, you will be rewarded by the deepest love you’ve ever known. if you’re lucky enough to be with your person in this life, you have everything. for real. and it’s not always going to be easeful but it IS gonna be worth it. there are seasons where it’s easy and magical and seasons where you’re both triggered to no end (especially once you have kids/babies), but that’s where the growth happens. when you choose each other again and again, you build something unshakeable. and it only gets better and better with time. <3

24. in motherhood, it’s not about perfection. it’s about remembering that your kids chose YOU for your exact flaws, imperfections, idiosyncrasies, lessons they need to learn, and the love you have to give. say bye to mom guilt. it has no place here. your kids didn’t come here for a perfect mom, they came here for a real one. the one who sometimes loses her patience, apologizes, and teaches them what repair looks like. they came to earth for YOUUUU, you all travel in a soul family!!! they came for the hugs, the laughter, the kitchen dance parties, the inspiration, the humanness, the joy, the memories, the magic of it all. leave the guilt at the door, seriously.

25. spending money on yourself (& those you love) is important—it shows the energy of money in and of itself (pure abundance energy) that you see yourself as worthy, that you understand the energetics of more begets more, and attracts only more abundance. obvi do this to whichever degree feels good and right. whether it’s $5 on a cute latte or $10,000 on your dream vacay, it’s not frivolous; it’s energetic. every time you treat yourself to something that expands your frequency, you’re signaling to the universe: i’m safe to receive. abundance flows to those who aren’t afraid to circulate it. generosity (with yourself and others) is the best investment you can make. the sooner you get this, the better.

26. the art of a real, printed, hard copy book has underestimated healing powers! kindles are great and i am addicted to mine for the ease of getting new books and the ease of travel and whatnot, but there’s something about holding an actual book that changes your nervous system. the smell of the pages, the weight in your hands, the way your eyes relax… it’s grounding, ancient medicine. i swear reading on paper rewires your brain for presence. especially for writers. on this note, if you are struggling to write… READ.

27. anything you’re judging yourself for, you’ve gotta stop. the YOU looking back on yourself 10 years from now would beg you to enjoy where you are now, embrace the ups and downs of it all, and not let a second go to waste. the you looking back ten years from now will be begging you to chill. to love your body now, to take the leap, to post the thing, to stop wasting time waiting to be “ready.” this version of you will someday be the good old days. stop nitpicking them away.

28. your life was designed for you to break through your own glass ceilings—remember that. your soul didn’t sign up for mediocrity, my love. it came here to expand. to break patterns, rewrite stories, and do what the women before you couldn’t. the discomfort is part of the assignment. lean into it.

29. you ARE the pattern breaker in the lineage. act accordingly. you’re the one healing what your ancestors couldn’t name. but they are working through you now, and giving them your strength. every time you rest, speak truth, or choose joy instead of self-abandonment, you’re rewriting the story for everyone who comes after you (and back in time to those who came before you. that’s power.

30. if caffeine makes you jittery, try adding protein, colostrum, or aminos to it. and if all else fails, switch to matcha or peppermint tea- LOL. ya know, this one is basic but it all starts foundationally. plus the aminos and colostrum (if your stomach tolerates it) will help your digestion so much. caffeine is my one vice in this life, so figuring this out as been goldennnn.

31. psychedelics are medicine, but so are… medications when needed, rest when needed, laughter, friendship, love, marriage, motherhood & beyond. it’s all medicine. we overcomplicate healing, which keeps us from healing tbh, but half of it is just allowing yourself to be supported in whatever way actually works for you. stop being so dogmatic (again)!! laughter is everything.

32. if a BOOK lives inside of you and wants to come through, write that damn boooook girlfriend otherwise the un-expressed creativity will feel crushing! that creative urge won’t leave you alone because it’s yours to birth. write the damn book, babyyyyyy. it will knock on your door until you do, and might even break your soul down a bit until you listen. and the freedom you’ll feel after? unmatched.

33. consistency is devotion in disguise. it’s not about never missing a day—it’s about showing up over and over again because you believe in what you’re building. devotion to your craft, your health, your rituals. that’s the frequency that moves mountains. and if you’re an air sign who resists consistency AT ALL COSTS… just consider how different your life could be in a week, a month, a year, 5 years, if you STUCK TO YOUR GOALS/PLANS.

34. if texts/calls/emails feel hard to respond to, remember that leaving them *un-answered* actually takes up more brain space and becomes more stressful over time. k obvi, you don’t need to respond to everyone. especially on email. but for the ones you WANT and NEED to get back to? just do it. stop letting it eat up your brain space. set a timer, clear them out, and move on with your day. leaving them hanging eats up way more mental energy than actually replying. future-you will feel so much lighter.

35. hater’s opinions don’t pay your bills. 🤪 it’s wild how easy it is to let strangers’ projections make us question our path. but truthfully? they don’t matter at allllll. the fact that they’re even talking about you!?! thank them for the free press. 😂

36. a bonus: EVERYTHING YOU DO IN LIFE, DO IT FOR YOUR INNER CHILD. SHE IS YOUR LEGACY. <3 <3 <3

my loves! thank you endlessly for reading this list!! it’s long, in depth, very detailed, I KNOW… but i hope you love that sort of thing as much as i do.

i am so abundantly excited for this next year ahead, almost to the point where i can hardly even believe my own life/health/body/reality right now… because finally it feels like i am arriving.

and not in a material way or anything at all, because that’s all the same, it’s how i feel in my body and my mind. i feel tapped into something larger than myself. it feels amazing.

i love you all, and please, please comment below to tell me all about YOU, your thoughts, even your zodiac sign if you’d like bc this libra girl wants to know everything about you. <3 kk, love you all, thank you for being here, endlessly grateful.