The Marriage Plot Twist No One Prepares You For
because no one posts this part on instagram (and why Conrad from TSITP made me explode at my husband)
I remember years ago someone offhandedly told me, “the couples who rave the loudest about their relationships on social media are usually the ones who are the unhappiest behind closed doors.”
Of course I hated that and took personal offense to it, because I am a big social media heart-spiller. When I love someone, anyone, or any thing for that matter, I love loudly and boldly with all of the words and the photos and the love poems to show for it.
I want my life to be like a scene out of The Notebook. There’s a reason I call Jonathan the “Noah to my Allie,” or these days “the Conrad to my Belly.” And stay tuned for why the series finale of The Summer I Turned Pretty made me explode at my husband for *not being Conrad.* Whoops. 😂
I will never not be THAT girl. The hopeless romantic. The diehard for love.
So while that analogy (proclaiming your love the loudest means you’re not happy) isn’t always true and I will never not be someone who does that—I am probably the exception to the rule.
Because I share everything. To a fault. Especially my love for my husband.
However, over time I started to notice there was some truth to that idea. I would often see a big anniversary tribute or birthday homage someone would post to their beloved, and then a few months later would find out that they were no longer together.
As a hopeless romantic, I hated it. It didn’t make sense. And I wanted all of the great loves to last.
Remember when Jonathan and I *literally* did a Notebook-inspired photoshoot for our engagement pics?! 👇🏻
And while I actually think more people should share their love stories to inspire others and remind everyone out there that true, romantic, fairytale love does exist & is available to all of us… there’s a side of marriage that you likely won’t see much of on Instagram. That I also think we should be sharing.
And that’s the messy, messy middle. The plot twist that comes with having kids, sleepless nights, building businesses, being painfully exhausted, growing out of the honeymoon phase, not yet in the ‘growing old’ together era but in the building our lives era.
It’s HARD. It’s really, really hard. And they say, “marriage is a mirror” for a reason. They also say, “marriage is one of the hardest things you’ll ever commit to” FOR A REASON.
And I believe you can be wildly in love and wildly honest with yourself about how hard that commitment is.
And I also believe, most people won’t tell how you hard it actually can be in these super challenging ‘growth’ phases.
That’s what we’re getting into today, and I’m going to share it all with you. The honest truth, what it looks like for me and J right now, the phase we’re in, how to get through it, what we struggle with, the REALITY & truth, the side of marriage you do not see on Instagram.
I’m sure I will have a vulnerability hangover. I’m sure I already do.
This post was inspired by my dear friend and amazing writer Elisabeth Sinnot, on What They Don’t Tell You About Marriage + Motherhood. I read this yesterday and felt so moved by it, I asked Elisabeth if she would mind if I wrote my own version, and she of course said, “Yes—do it! More people need to talk about this!” Def support her & read her work. I am so proud of her.
So, let’s get into it.
