the unbelievable mental load we all carry as humans + how to thrive in spite of it all

how to thrive with the mental load, especially *moms* who *work a lot* but also truly everyone!

Have you ever seen that meme that says “me trying to excel in my career, maintain a social life, drink enough water, text everyone back, stay sane, survive and be happy”? Ya know… this one! Hi Kendall Jenner!

It’s funny because it’s true. But then add like ten billion more things to the list, and you’ve really hit the nail on the head of what it’s like to be human. The mental load we all carry is beyond, especially in this day and age, and if you’re a mom you may as well say goodbye to the peaceful part of your brain forever (lol — I’m joking but also kinda not).

If I were to come up with my own meme about this it would say, “me trying to excel in my career, be the best and most present mom, be the most loving and grounded wife, show up for all of my friends, text everyone back, make a dent in my thousands of emails, host a super interesting podcast, write books, exercise and take care of my body, make sure to take time for myself, ward off the anxiety, record meditations, keep my health in check, provide for my family and find the perfect house, oh & drink some water every now and again and stay sane on top of it all.” 🙃

And that’s not even the half of it! I know we all have our own running lists that dance through our brains all the time. It’s a miracle that we show up as functioning members of society every day with how much we all have going on. That’s why I have always abided by the phrase, “you never know what someone else is going through, so be kind.” On top of the normal mental load, everyone usually has at least ONE thing that’s really plaguing them in any given moment. So we must be kind.

But back to the topic at hand! Lately I have been taking note of how many things are on my mind on a daily basis. As a newly postpartum mom of two, this list has basically just exploded. A look into my brain right now…

Find a house, look into preschools in the new area if we do move, make doctor’s appointments for both kids and dentist appointments and then my own appointments, book swim lessons and soccer classes, keep my career moving and get back to the endless well of emails, be there for my kids and pick Attie up from school every day, make lunches, make sure there’s not too much screen time, get out of the house yet spend more time at home,

Get Attie to bed on time, wake him up on time, make sure we have the diaper bag packed and don’t lose your keys before you have to be somewhere, clean the closet, clean the influencer closet, open the boxes, write thank you cards, get back into working out, do your postpartum pelvic floor PT, write the blog post, see your OB for the extremely belated post-birth appointment, book a trip because you miss traveling, see friends, see kids’ friends, show up for the bday parties, don’t leave your career hanging, show up for work meetings but also don’t miss a day of school drop-off — the list. goes. ON!

I MEAN… it’s a lot! That’s why I give working moms a special shout-out in the title of this post, because to work, as a normal human, is a lot. To be a mom, as a normal human, is a lot. To do both, as most moms do these days including myself, is a juggling act that is not for the faint of heart. But we can do it! And I’m not here to complain. I’m simply here to marvel at how resilient we all are and what a wild time it is to be alive.

Now you see why I keep mentioning that I want to move to a farm and live a small-town life and just reject all of the social pressures that come with living in a city and “doing it all” in 2024. Like hooooww nice does a country life with babies running around, making food from scratch, homeschooling your kids sound?! But I know that’s not most of our lives. I know, I know.

This post is about how we THRIVE in spite of it all. Because I truly believe we can. But the main reason for this post, even beyond how to thrive, is to connect & commiserate about being human. None of us are alone. If you feel anxious about your never-ending to-do list, you can bust that anxiety by reminding yourself that you are NOT the only one. In fact, every single person feels this way to some degree.

Every time I have ever done plant medicine, I see very clearly how easy it is to be a soul without a body, and how hard it is to be human. But we all chose this. We came here for a reason. And sharing with each other the intricacies and ups and downs of being human is part of why we’re here. I hope reading this makes you feel less alone. :)

So let’s get into the ways to thrive, shall we? This comes from my tried & true internal toolbox and I hope it will help you as much as it is starting to help me.

How to Thrive, Despite An Incredibly High Mental Load:

1. Practice a "Just Enough" Mindset

We’ve already agreed that mostly all of us in TBB community are perfectionists. Like… so many of us. Perfectionism no doubt exacerbates the mental load. Give yourself permission to do "just enough." This means getting enough done every day and having reasonable standards for yourself. None of it has to be perfect.

For example some days if I just wake up with Delilah and have a nice little morning with her, pick Attie up from school, get like 30 minutes of work done and then go out for a long family walk, I will consider that a win in this season of life. JUST ENOUGH, rather than perfect, will save time and mental energy. Still huge piles of laundry to do and your meals are super duper non-Pinterest worthy? That’s FINE! Focus on what matters most—caring for yourself and making sure your family is happy & healthy.

(To be fair, I juxtapose this with more focused work days where I get so much done in a 4 hour chunk of time that I feel more chill about the rest of the week ahead. I think this is the ADHD in me — very all or nothing. But that’s just the way I like to work!)

2. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy

Learn to say "no" without guilt. Protect your time by setting firm boundaries around work, social commitments, and digital consumption. Your energy is finite, and it deserves protection. But beyond this, don’t mess around with having people in your life who don’t deserve your time, energy, space or connection. Becoming a mom, I find that the stakes are higher. I want gooood humans with good energy in my life, point blank. Creating firmer boundaries has helped me protect my energy and has helped me flourish so much during this postpartum time.

Secondly, even if something sounds really fun & lovely to do, take a realistic look at your schedule first. Are you already running around and event hopping all weekend? If so, is it really a good idea to add another event to the list? I have such a hard time saying no, but Jonathan has helped me see that I *can’t* do it all, and when I try to do it all I basically feel like I am going to crumble. Make decisions that are kind to yourself and also kind to your family! A day of cuddling in PJ’s is sometimes just what the doctor ordered rather than driving all over town to do all of the shiny, fun things.

3. Delegate and Outsource

Do you guys know I am the Postmates QUEEN? Anything that is going to save me time is a huge YES on my list. Meal kits, grocery delivery, Postmates when necessary, housekeeper or cleaning services every once in a while, asking for help from friends and family when you know you have too much going on, etc. Don’t feel like you have to do it all. Freeing up time and mental space is crucial for thriving. Especially as a new mom, don’t feel like you have to be THE ONE doing the laundry & making dinner every night—you literally just birthed a baby, ya know?

In a work setting, this could also mean hiring a part-time assistant or even finding someone on UpWork or Task Rabbit to do the things that don’t come naturally to you or would take you way too long to do. Give yourself permission to have a little ~help~, because you deserve it!

4. Meditate & Align with Your Higher Purpose

I mean, you knew I was going to say it. Meditation helps calm an overactive mind so, so much. I recommend The Quantum Method meditations, because we have everything in there for you and they’re pretty life changing! 150+ meditations, affirmations, pep talks, bonus pods, yoga flows, kundalini videos, etc. to help your mind find that sense of calm that you deserve. You can even put them on in the background while you clean, drive, do the laundry, do yoga, etc.

Also, connect with a sense of purpose that goes beyond the everyday tasks. What is your mission or reason for being here? Are you moving toward that every day? Or at the very least, every week? For instance I feel like writing is my calling, so I try to do it every day. Same with being present with my kids. Those are my non-negotiables right now.

5. Ruthlessly Edit Your Life

Simplify, simplify. What worked for you ten years ago or even ten months ago is not going to be the same for your life now. I used to spend at least a quarter of the year traveling, and saw friends almost every single night. As a mom to little ones, that’s not really in the cards right now. After having Delilah I took a really good look at my life and made a commitment to re-evaluate every “bucket” of my life: work, health, me time, energy, exercise, goals, friends, family, finances, etc.

I created a new routine and a new outlook, and it has been life changing. Going to a baby music class with Delilah is just as high on my priority list as going into the studio to record my podcast. This time with her being so little is fleeting. Having this level of perspective is incredibly helpful, and it helps to minimize that mental load when you know what you truly WANT to be doing.

6. Allow Your Life to be Joyful & FUN

Okay this is the most important one on the list by far! Allow it to be FUN. Allow it to be joyful. We all get to choose how we spend at least a good chunk of our time (if not all of our time), so why not make it count? Once my mental load became incredibly high and out of control, I realized… it was time to let things be fun again. By practicing some of the above points on this list (delegating and getting help, editing my life, taking time to meditate, instill boundaries, etc.)

I have been able to create a life and a daily routine that I genuinely enjoy and love living. It is FUN. Sure there are things that are less fun, but the spiritual practice in it all is to even see how and when I can make those things fun. (For example I took Attie to the dentist last week and that is not what I normally consider “fun,” but he LOVED IT & has talked about it every day and every night since. Every day I ask him what his favorite thing about the day was, and every day he says “the dentist” even though it was like 10 days ago that we went!! Lol! Kids know how to do it).

Anything I missed? Thoughts? This post is more like my OG blog posts — a bit of advice, a bit of chit chat, a good ol’ list.

Do you guys like that kind of thing or more of the heart spill deep dives on a specific subject? Let me know and leave your topic requests below! Love you all XO.